Letter To The Suffering Addict: Sincerely, Full of Sunshine Today
This letter is going to start from the bottom because if you are anything like me, it can only go up from there.
Before I walked through the doors of GraceWay I felt like I was a lost cause. I lived in a constant state of fear. Fear of losing my freedom, fear of losing my family and friends, fear of not knowing how or where I would get my next drink or drug, fear of life itself. I felt like I was drowning and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t come up for air. I had become a slave to my addiction. I really didn’t care whether I lived or died and the latter seemed much easier at the time. I just didn’t see a way out.
I had been through rehab several times in the past only to find myself jumping right back on that long black train just so I could wreck it again. I desperately wanted to be happy again and there was no amount of alcohol or drugs that could fill the God-sized hole I had in me. I tried for years. I had pushed away just about every single person that cared about me with all my lies. I stole from the people that I loved. That was my lowest of lows.
I missed being a part of my family. I was truly distraught over my drinking and using but the only thing I knew to give me any temporary relief was more of what was making me miserable. Finally, it got so bad I called my brother to explain why I didn’t show up for Thanksgiving and broke down. He said to me that he would offer to help me but that the only way it would really work is if I actually want the help. I wasn’t sure I could go through detox and rehab again, but I knew that anything was better than feeling the way I felt at that moment…hopeless, afraid and no confidence that I could do it on my own.
That was my point of surrender. As soon as I let go of the notion that I could handle it, things got so much easier.
I have been at GraceWay for 3 months now and I do not feel like that same person that walked in here. Through working the 12 steps and putting my trust in the program of recovery and my Higher Power, I can actually say that I like myself today. I look forward to each new day. I can smile again. I can laugh again. I can have meaningful conversations with my new friends here at GraceWay and my family again. I have a job for the first time in over five years and my confidence grows stronger every day.
I finally reached my bottom when I stopped digging and you can put down the shovel too. I will pray for you to do just that. You can find hope and strength in recovery. Being sober has given me a whole new way to live and has brought me so much peace, love, and happiness. I know that you can find that as well, all you have to do is stop fighting and surrender.
Full of Sunshine Today