I’ll start by saying that I hit my knees every morning and every night, as I have done since it was first suggested to me when I sobered up. See, I had my butt sufficiently handed to me by drug addiction and I wasn’t in any position to debate whether there was or wasn’t a God. All I needed to know at first is that I wasn’t it.
I thought for most of my life that there’s a God and He put everything here but that it was up to me to figure it all out. That never worked, and what I really needed early on was to understand that was not my job.
The key word is seeking. I am seeking to have a relationship with the God of my understanding and not to understand or think I’ve got it all figured out.
So, I made a deal with God. I’m going to let Him handle my business and what He does with my business is none of my business. And you know what? That’s been working out pretty well for me. I no longer think that I need to run the show and then end up making a mess out of things.
I heard a long time ago, by an old timer in the rooms of AA, that God is everything or He is nothing. Back then I didn’t understand what he meant when he said those words in that meeting. I was still in the mindset that me, myself, and I was the only one to fix me. But those words were something that I thought long and hard about for a few days. And then it clicked! I had one of those light bulb moments and my life was never the same since. And now, even after almost 11 years of sobriety, I still get those light bulb moments, and I’m grateful that I do. I’m still learning and growing, a work in progress, and I’d like to stay on that path for as long as God wants me on this Earth.
