This letter is going to start from the bottom because if you are anything like me, it can only go up from there.
Dear Hopeless,
This letter is going to start from the bottom because if you are anything like me, it can only go up from there.
Before I walked through the doors of GraceWay I felt like I was a lost cause. I lived in a constant state of fear. Fear of losing my freedom, fear of losing my family and friends, fear of not knowing how or where I would get my next drink or drug, fear of life itself. I felt like I was drowning and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t come up for air. I had become a slave to my addiction. I really didn’t care whether I lived or died and the latter seemed much easier at the time. I just didn’t see a way out.
I had been through rehab several times in the past only to find myself jumping right back on that long black train just so I could wreck it again. I desperately wanted to be happy again and there was no amount of alcohol or drugs that could fill the God-sized hole I had in me. I tried for years. I had pushed away just about every single person that cared about me with all my lies. I stole from the people that I loved. That was my lowest of lows.
I missed being a part of my family. I was truly distraught over my drinking and using but the only thing I knew to give me any temporary relief was more of what was making me miserable. Finally, it got so bad I called my brother to explain why I didn’t show up for Thanksgiving and broke down. He said to me that he would offer to help me but that the only way it would really work is if I actually want the help. I wasn’t sure I could go through detox and rehab again, but I knew that anything was better than feeling the way I felt at that moment…hopeless, afraid and no confidence that I could do it on my own.
That was my point of surrender. As soon as I let go of the notion that I could handle it, things got so much easier.
I have been at GraceWay for 3 months now and I do not feel like that same person that walked in here. Through working the 12 steps and putting my trust in the program of recovery and my Higher Power, I can actually say that I like myself today. I look forward to each new day. I can smile again. I can laugh again. I can have meaningful conversations with my new friends here at GraceWay and my family again. I have a job for the first time in over five years and my confidence grows stronger every day.
I finally reached my bottom when I stopped digging and you can put down the shovel too. I will pray for you to do just that. You can find hope and strength in recovery. Being sober has given me a whole new way to live and has brought me so much peace, love, and happiness. I know that you can find that as well, all you have to do is stop fighting and surrender.
Sincerely,
Full of Sunshine Today
