I’m writing you today to tell you that there is hope. There is a way out. I’ve been right where you are. I’ve felt the same way you are feeling right now. I get it. I know you’re probably thinking there is no way anyone understands…but I understand that way of thinking, too
Dear Searching for A Different Life,
I’m writing you today to tell you that there is hope. There is a way out. I’ve been right where you are. I’ve felt the same way you are feeling right now. I get it. I know you’re probably thinking there is no way anyone understands…but I understand that way of thinking, too.
About 8 months ago I was sitting in jail looking to serve 10 years in prison in 3 different counties. I knew my life was over. I was only 18 years old.
I left my mom’s house at 15, ran the streets, slept in my car or on someone’s couch, and used anything I could get my hands on. I was just as addicted to the chaos as I was to the drugs and alcohol. By the time I was 18 I had pretty much burnt all my bridges with my family. I was so lonely inside. I was even lonely in a room full of people. I was miserable in my own skin. I woke up just to use…to escape, but in the end even that didn’t work anymore. I was disgusted when I looked in the mirror at myself.
I wanted a way out, but had myself convinced there wasn’t one.
On May 27th, 2018 my life changed.
I can say today that it was by the grace of God that I was arrested that day. I lay in that jail cell and thought back over my life and the mess I had made. I had destroyed everything and hurt everyone that came in my path. I had blown every opportunity. I saw no way out. I still wanted to use “one last time”.
I was given a plea deal. I could go to rehab or I could do 10 years in prison. I chose rehab.
Today is March 8th, 2019. I’m 9 months sober and my life is beyond what I ever thought imaginable for myself. In the beginning I was determined to ‘fake it until I make it’ and be on my merry way. My mindset was still so sick. That way of thinking was a lot harder than just surrendering and giving this all I had.
I have hope now.
I have a future now….and so can you.
I’m healthy not only physically, but mentally, socially, and spirituality. I have a full-time job and I am so grateful for it. I’m genuinely happy when I wake up in the mornings. I no longer dread starting my day. I have goals and a clear head. I have a peace of mind. I’m building a new relationship with my family. I have a sober community of women that love me, support me, tell me the truth and understand me. My peers and my counselors actually care about me and want to help me. That is something I hadn’t had in a long time.
When I have days that are not so great, I tell myself that If I so choose that I can leave and go use tomorrow, but that today I am going to stay sober and do the next right thing. I live for 24 hours at a time. I take it one day at a time. I realize that my sobriety is my choice. Every day I have a choice of what I want to do and how I want to live. The freedom of choice is huge for me, because at one point the freedom to choose was stolen from me by my addiction.
You don’t have to feel like a prisoner anymore. You don’t have to live in misery anymore. You are not alone and you don’t have to continue to settle anymore. Your life isn’t over. I understand how you feel. I’ve been there. But now I know what it feels like to be sober…to be happy, have a purpose, give and receive love. I can’t’ imagine ever going back to how I lived before.
Pick up the phone. You can always call GraceWay. Tell them about your situation. The staff here is wonderful and has saved my life. The community here is one of comfort, understanding, and love. There are hard days, but those are the days I grew the most in my recovery. There are people here who will love you until you can love yourself. That is something you need right now.
I know what desperation feels like. I’m just like you. I get it. Please, just pick up the phone while you still can. That one phone call can change your life. There is hope.
Carrying the Message